TRIALS 1

p.260-262

OK,  we again dealing with one of those “create your own reality” things. This chapter continually reminds us that we create our own trials. ARRRRRRGH!

I don’t like that. I would much rather blame fate, God, the devil. It seems so much easier not to be responsible.

There are a few points here I think would be worth exploring as we delve into this chapter. The first principle is IT IS OUR SOUL THAT IS CREATING and the soul only creates in order to grow. We might not be consciously aware of this principle all the time and it might not appeal to our emotions, and we are certainly not going to understand it all the time either.

The simplistic metaphor I use is this: Imagine that before you take on a body, your soul, which is in line with Spirit, creates an agenda or curriculum which will guide it (and all other beings as well) in letting go of separateness and moving more and more in alignment with Oneness. So there are goals to be met and lessons to be learned on Planet Earth. How these goals are reached and how these lessons are presented are not set in stone, so the soul will seek out ways and means to get the job done. All of this is well beyond the comprehension of our intellect, and also well beyond our sense of earthly fairness.

So let me share one of my life experiences. Looking back, part of may path was to develop alcoholism—and RECOVERY. Just looking at myself as an individual here, I can see that this process of addiction and recovery has been and continues to be a huge blessing. In essence, this process has been a continual part of my spiritual awakening. So there is an obvious individual learning here, but our teaching here goes way beyond the individual. How many people contributed to this recovery? How many generations of people who are touched by so many others have been a part of this healing? 

Do you get a sense of how mysterious this can get? 

Or take something present. Pretty soon I am going to be scheduled for knee surgery. Sure there are many lessons for me here, some of which are: I am not my body; take better care of myself; be patient; learn how to let people help me(as I hobble around for a while), etc. But at is only one small pice of this whole e deal. Think of how many other people are involved with this whole process, doctors, nurses, rehab specialists, other hospital staff, insurance companies, people who make knee replacements, people who make rehab equipment—all these people have families, they will all be making the effort to go to work each day, and each one of them has their own “stuff” to take care of. So even though I think I am the central character of my little play, thousands of people are learning their own lessons from this one little piece of  life. 

Even though I agree, I am the one creating the ways and means of my learning; it is never really only an individual  event.

Another piece to all of this is a maxim from ACIM: “YOU CAN EITHER LEARN FROM PAIN OR FROM JOY.”

None of us would choose to learn from pain deliberately. Sometimes, however, we are unaware or reluctant to accept and work with what is right in front of us. 

Let us remember this-- our soul has only One purpose, and that is to drop all illusions of separateness, and it will be forever insistent in its quest. So when we refuse or ignore a lesson in our path, it will come back again, perhaps more insistent than it was before. The process is neither a curse nor a blessing, it is just the way of things. For instance if I do not learn long division (or whatever they are teaching these days) in the third grade, as I progress in school it is going to become more and more difficult to “fake it,” and I am going to run into more and more difficulty with math until I finally take the plunge and learn it, but learn it I will, because it is necessary.

I recall Ram Dass was ranting and raving about how unfair life was, and how if only the universe could be run his way how wonderful everything could be, and he was confronted by one of us teachers who said, “Ram Dass, you are in school. When are you just going to decide to take the curriculum! (instead of fighting it, ignoring it, or continuing to let your ego try to compose it?)

“What a trial really is is a set of circumstances that has been designed to light you up in order for you to dismantle the behaviors that created it to begin with. So if you have a certain kind of crisis in your life, you can put money on the fact that it may have been created by you, at a higher level, to move you beyond those issues that originally created it. We will tell you that when these things happen, your journey has an opportunity to take a jump-start. It really is like you can take a big leap forward.”

“So suddenly you are faced in consciousness with a situation that you would fear, and you can go into fear, and you can go into victimhood, or you can go into anger, or you can go into anything, but that’s actually not going to sort you through the next stage of the requirement for your growth.”

Be at peace, and may all beings be at peace.

IN MY KNOWING 6-TRIALS

I found myself very much wanting to move on from “IN MY KNOWING.” I was, or I should say, my ego was exhausted with all this awareness. It’s much more comfortable being asleep.

But then I noticed the next chapter was TRIALS. “Oh no”, I thought, “not more problems!” I will get that in a few moments.

The core substance of this last lesson in the KNOWING chapter is the meditation on. p. 256-258. I’m going to make a recording of that and attempt to embed a link on this blog site. If I cannot do that, I will have the meditation available on the Christ in Training site.

“I am Word through my heart center. Word I am Word.

HEART MEDITATION

“I am Word through my being. Word I am Word.

I am Word through my vibration. Word I am Word.

I am Word through my knowing of myself as Word.”

“I am Word through my understanding of this information that I am now receiving. I am Word through my creations. I am Word through all that I see before me. I am Word through my willingness to know myself as who I am in truth. Word I am Word through this intention. I am Word. I am Word. I am Word. So be it.”

In the coming weeks we will explore the chapter on Trials.

We will come to realize this is not about God testing us, it s more about how we begin to express what we have already been learning. I guess it is the difference between looking at life as being classroom or even a play ground rather than an obstacle course or a "valley of tears."

It's not the blame game of "Why did this happen to me?" or "Why did I manifest this?"

Every circumstance of life is learning and the purpose of learning is to remember in the deepest way possible, who you really are.

I AM IN MY KNOWING 5

p.    249-255

I was pondering this idea of "needing approval" and although it made perfect sense, it seemed somewhat limited. There are certainly areas in my life when/where I feel the need for approval, or the need for reassurance, or the need for confirmation, or the need for acceptance, or love or a reminder that I am OK, etc. So I think all these things are an aspect of what the book refers to as approval.

And why is that so important? Let's recall what we are about here--TO BE IN OUR KNOWING.

I can tell when I am not in my knowing--whenever I am in one of those needy places mentioned above. As the book states so beautifully: 

“The need to be approved of actually vanishes when you are in your knowing at the frequency that we speak of. And the reason is very simple. There is nothing to be gained from it. You are not looking for affirmation for yourself from outside of you because it’s not required. The well that is you is full. You do not need to have it from another source.”

And I am reminded this is a moment to moment awareness.

I AM IN MY KNOWING--there are times when I am very aware of being in my knowing, and other times when I am lost in the consciousness of thinking that my knowing is not enough. And this is part of the human condition, for all of us. So when I become aware that I am being snotty, or impatient or angry or bitter, etc. I realize I am not in my knowing. I am not in my knowing of myself as being a child of God, unconditionally loved, etc. Now that is a extremely important awareness. 

I also must realize that if I observe another as being petty, bossy, selfish, etc. instead of judging or reacting I can be aware that, in this moment, they are not in their knowing (the have forgotten who they are), and I can pray they return to it. 

I recall Ram Dass introducing a talk he was giving by saying, "I want you to realize we are all playing a game. The game is called 'I know, and you don't.' So I am up here and you are back there. But please remember it is only a game."

I might have different experiences than you, but we all have different experiences. Experiences contribute to our knowing, but my true knowing of who I am, who God is. Who we are together is an inside job, and we all participate in this awareness when we choose to.

This whole piece is an exercise in AWARENESS OF MOTIVE. What moves me, motivates me; what are the values attached to my actions?

We are challenged this coming week—and I will share in this challenge—to periodically check ourselves out as to why we are doing what we are doing.

So much of life is spent in “robot mode” when our only motivation is habit, conformity, and “herd” mentality. 

It is only by raising our consciousness, our awareness that we can also raise the frequency/vibration of our thoughts and actions.

Letting go of our limiting ego consciousness is another way of looking at all this. One of the ways I can discover or explore my now neediness are the times when I can ask myself, “How much approval do I need?” and when the answer is “give me more” I can certainly know I am feeding the ego which has endless hunger. It’s like what Joh D. Rockefeller  when asked “How much is enough money?” He replied, “Just a little bit more.”

“Approval, the need for approval outside of a teaching tool and outside of a way of gauging behavior on a moment-by-moment level, is actually not very helpful. “I want my teacher to approve of me when I do the math problem right,” is actually okay to the extent that it supports you in your learning. But it also creates a pattern of pleasing others so that your own information, and gathering of information, is done to appease an authority figure. Do you understand this? So while there are benefits, you are also placing into practice problems that will have to be contended with in the future.”

Of course it was many lifetimes ago and in a galaxy far far away, but the Moody Blues echoed this sentiment in a musical poem as the last cut on their album A Question of Balance. 
(If you would like to hear the music as well, try this: 

THE BALANCE VIDEO

                                                          "The Balance"

After he had journeyed,
And his feet were sore,
And he was tired,
He came upon an orange grove
And he rested
And he lay in the cool,
And while he rested, he took to himself an orange and tasted it,
And it was good.
And he felt the earth to his spine,
And he asked, and he saw the tree above him, and the stars,
And the veins in the leaf,
And the light, and the balance.
And he saw magnificent perfection,
Whereon he thought of himself in balance,
And he knew he was.

Just open your eyes,
And realize, the way it's always been.
Just open your mind
And you will find
The way it's always been.
Just open your heart
And that's a start.

And he thought of those he angered,
For he was not a violent man,
And he thought of those he hurt
For he was not a cruel man
And he thought of those he frightened
For he was not an evil man,
And he understood.
He understood himself.

Upon this he saw that when he was of anger or knew hurt or felt fear,
It was because he was not understanding,
And he learned, compassion.

And with his eye of compassion.
He saw his enemies like unto himself,
And he learned love.
Then, he was answered.

Just open your eyes,
And realize, the way it's always been.
Just open your mind
And you will find
The way it's always been.
Just open your heart
And that's a start.

Peace to all beings.

I AM IN MY KNOWING 4

p. 246-249  

In exploring this Sunday's lesson, I found myself making a distinction between knowing/knowing that I know and literally CLAIMING my knowing. The claiming part is an active component to knowing that I think I had missed previously.

I am not sure how else to explain it, but claiming my knowing truly allows it to become an active part of me.

There is a short but powerful and beautiful meditation on p. 247-248. The emphasis here is again on claiming your knowing as an integral part of who you are. It is moving from what we normally think of as ‘knowing’ to the experience of knowing, and that is what this work is all about— EXPERIENCE. 

“Imagine that you see a well, a deep well, and the water is rich and it is light and it is wonderful and it glimmers at the base of the well. And as the well rises, you reach into it with both your hands and you bring the water to your face. You drink from this well and you anoint yourself with the deep waters that have come to meet you.

When you do this, you are simply claiming your own consciousness has risen to meet you in present time. It’s a simple illustration of calling to you the information you need on a level of consciousness to require your response to this information. And that means you can drink from your own information, you can be anointed in your own light, you can call to you the water of Christ that you need. Period.”

So this experience of knowing is what much of the work of this chapter is about. 

Now, our old friend the ego comes along and throws a monkey wrench in the works (it’s just doing its job). “Are you sure you know?” “What if others know more or better than you do?” and on and on.

Unlike the soul which can be in its knowing, the ego lives in a constant state of worry and doubt. It is always looking for approval and affirmation and whatever it gets is never enough. Just a simple measurement here—when I am in my doubt, I am in the consciousness of my ego; when I am in my knowing I am in the consciousness of Spirit. 

As we have stated so many times previously, this is not about judgment; it is about Awareness. Caught up in fear, self-doubt, self questioning, I can be assured I have gotten lost in my little self. The solution is to get back into my knowing/the energy of the soul. The guides have provided some information on how to do this gently and powerfully. 

You might recall when introducing us to the idea of being in your knowing, the guides directed Paul and us to travel to a time in our lives when there was no doubt we were in our knowing—e.g. “I know I am a good teacher.” “I know (this person) loves me. I know I love them.” “I know I love roses.” “ I know this sunset is beautiful.”

Whatever you would like to put in that space. Once you have a sense of your knowing, then you can pull in some other truths, and be with them in your knowing—“I know I am beloved by the Father.” “I know there have been times in my life when I have been consciously connected to the Christ Consciousness.” etc.

The the next step that we spoke about above—to claim your knowing—actively holds  and expresses it as the truth for you.

I asked people to do a little homework this week. Simply to become aware of the times when you are in your knowing and the times when you are not (those times when you are experiencing yourself as being needy, seeking approval, etc.)

The purpose of this is to raise to consciousness, not only the times when we are missing the mark, but the times when we are right on target.

I AM IN MY KNOWING 3

p. 232-246

I was out of town last week, so I’m going to combine few lessons. 

This entire chapter is quite stretching. As per most of this book we are being asked to go beyond our usual boundaries and understanding. One the messages here is that most, if not all, of our boundaries are self-imposed limitations. I know they don’t feel self-imposed because most to them have been with us for so long we look at them as being natural.

“I am knowing myself as a piece of the Creator. I am Word through this knowing. Word I am Word. I am knowing myself as a Divine Being. Word I am Word through this intention. Word I am Word. I am knowing my actions. I am knowing my needs. I am knowing the requirements for my growth. I am knowing what is needed to bring me to this next level of frequency and I am honoring my knowing every moment of every day. I am Word through this intention. Word I am Word.”

As with many passages in this book, this one paragraph sums everything up. This could be my prayer for many lifetimes (if I just take the time to remember it!).

When we are open to it, we are continually moving from from understanding to experience, because it is with experience we are truly in our knowing. Kind of like the difference between reading a book on swimming and being tossed in the water.

“I am willing to know what I am made of. I am willing to have an experience of it that is tangible to me on a physical level or on a level that is appropriate to my learning.”

With this I need to pray that I am open the teaching/learning experiences that are coming to me—not to judge or compare. The ego is filled with drama and desire. Let it go.

We are also giving ourselves the opportunity to learn by experiencing the energy of others. I think I have already shared one of my favorite examples of being able to experience energy, but just on case you missed it!): imagine you are standing alone in an elevator and you close your eyes, put cotton in your ears, so essentially you have shut off your sensory input—notice though you would still be aware if someone else go on the elevator. You would know it even if you could not explain it. 

You experienced an energy moving into your energy field. Now take this a step further. I am sure there have been times in your life when you ave walked into a room or store and felt some really bad vibes, even though there was no obvious reason for those sensations. There have probably been other times when you have been with someone you are close to and even though there were no external indicators that this person was in distress, you still knew it.

In all of those situations and similar ones, you were in your knowing, and in your knowing about another person. So we are not stretching things too far by suggesting that we have this ability to a much greater degree than we have realized or admitted.

Now it is not about taking that energy on, but moreabout becoming aware of it is there. Many you who have practice some energetic forms of healing are aware this. 

There is a wonderful older film called Resurrection, telling the true story of a woman who discovered she has miraculous healing power, but what she would do (because there was no instruction manual to go along with the gift) is that she would take on the illness herself and somehow release and transform it in her own body.—-that is NOT the way it needs to be done.

So here are some instructions, but please note that with our openness the gifts/talents/ revealed to us will be what we need (not what we want or what we think we should have)for our soul's growth.

“So we will tell you this: We invite you now to go out to someplace where there are people and there is quiet. And this can be a restaurant. It can be a twelve-step meeting. It can be a class. It can be an office. It does not really matter. But we want you to be in your frequency in an expanded state. Feeling your frequency around you. And we want you to see the ones before you.

You can choose one person if you wish. And you will see them. And you will invite yourself to begin to see them as frequency. You do not do this through effort, you do this through intention. When you do this, of course, your eyes will be relaxing and you will be allowing the energies to make themselves known to you psychically through the third eye that we have decided is now going to be unblocked. You may first see a small field of energy vibrating very quickly around a part of the body, and then another. But you may see a large expanse of energy. Distance is supportive of this when you are first beginning to see. And seeing from a distance will allow you to relax your eyes, to unfocus them, to begin to experience the energy field of your subject.

We would like you to do this once a day and see the differences as you begin to journey into this realm of understanding energy in a practical way. We are talking practically here. We want you to have an experience that you can lay claim to. Beyond deciding that the text is truthful, we have said to you again and again that this work must be experiential, so we want you to experience and that will align your knowing.”

I was both interested and fascinated by Victoria’s questions and the guide's answers, but what opened up for me was the awareness that there is so much more transpiring than just here on Planet Earth and the rest of the material world.

We speak of three dimensions (or four if you want to include time); how much more is there????? many dimensions, many universes, many planes of existence, and we are a tiny part of this whole thing. That is both astounding and humbling.

I would encourage all of us to rad over p. 245-246 beginning with March 11, 2009 and ending with “it means to be i n your knowing.” Just sit with that for a bit.

Peace,

Gerry